


A Comedy of Errors

by foolish_mortal



Series: fumu's tumblr ficlets [4]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3952498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolish_mortal/pseuds/foolish_mortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy and Harry's false identities cause them both trouble on a mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Comedy of Errors

Just for the hell of it, Eggsy gives his false name as Gary Hart while on assignment at a posh resort that’s historically been a Kingsman hotspot for illegal activity. It's filled with glittering socialites and millionaires, exactly the kind of people Eggsy would expect to be criminals. He can feel whatever's left of his own moral fiber slowly eroding away the longer he spends in the shining sapphire swimming pools and buttery gold casino halls, and Harry's name next to his own is almost as good as having the man himself there to shield Eggsy against humanity's excesses, as if Eggsy needs shielding. But Harry's already done a mission here once and can't risk being recognised, so Eggsy's alone on this one. Or so he thinks. 

“You're the young man Henry's been pining after, aren't you?" exclaims the matronly woman beside him at the bar who’s been going through cosmopolitans like a fish.

"Er," Eggsy fumbles, but she mistakes his confusion for embarrassment and pats his cheek with a gnarled softly perfumed hand. Merlin’s gone silent on the comms; Eggsy is beginning to suspect he’s been set up.

“Finally bagged you, did he? And about time he did too - all that moping and staring off into the distance was jinxing my blackjack luck something terrible. Oh, is Henry here with you? I should have guessed he’d want to show you off.”

His newfound drinking partner is certainly a chatterbox, Eggsy thinks with a smile. He signals for two martinis and settles in for a long conversation. “How much moping, exactly?”

After two more martinis, an entire bottle of wine, and many champagne toasts to Henry and Gary’s domestic bliss, Eggsy is beginning to waver, but Mrs. Pierce, heiress to American big oil, is still going strong. Henry Hart has been quite the pining lover, Eggsy learns. In the past year, Henry’s turned down every party invitation, gambling table, and suggestive proposition, preferring instead to sigh into his wine glass at the corner of the bar and smile wistfully to himself as if he’s recalling a fond memory far far away. 

“He turned down the princess of Greece once!” Mrs. Pierce confides. “Told her he had a young man waiting for him back home who would never love him. I can only imagine he meant you.”

She gestures for Eggsy to finish his shot of Jaegermeister, which he does with a cough. “Well, clearly that isn’t true,” he says. Harry will listen to this tape later, he realises, and the thought makes him bold. “In fact, I think I’ve been in love with him since I first saw him.”

“Oh my goodness,” Mrs. Pierce gushes, a diehard romantic, and Eggsy doesn’t even protest the next round of drinks she buys them.

Two hours later, Eggsy’s managed to round up the suspected drug ring while maintaining the highest blood alcohol content of any agent on record, made a lifelong friend of Mrs. Pierce (if not his liver), and races back to HQ in record time. The light is still on in Harry’s office, and Eggsy lets himself in without knocking. Harry is sitting at his desk as if awaiting a firing squad, and Eggsy knows he listened to the tape.

“Henry, dear, I’m home,” Eggsy jokes, and Harry fucking  _blanches_.

“Spurned lovers garner sympathy and understanding for anti-social behaviour that would otherwise arouse suspicion for an agent on a mission,” Harry explains like this is another teachable example Eggsy ought to learn from. Eggsy says nothing. “I had to keep up the charade, unfortunately, as my assignment there was extended.” Eggsy just crosses his arms and waits. Harry finally deflates like a punctured balloon. “I’m so sorry. It’s incredibly unprofessional. I understand if you-”

Eggsy cuts him off with a loud peal of laugher that nearly knocks him over. Maybe he’s not as sober as he thought. “Harry, love, I gave them  _your_  name when I checked in, and I could have told Mrs. Pierce I weren't your husband. I ain’t been exactly suble, myself.” He takes a deep breath. “I meant everything I said on the recording. You  _are_ the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life. I have been in love with you since I saw you standing outside that police station with your posh fucking suit and your stupid umbrella. Fuck, Harry, I-"

"Eggsy," Harry interrupts sharply. One of his hands has curled into a fist, crinkling the cover of the expense report underneath. "Get your arse over here and kiss me before we both grow old."

Eggsy doesn't have to be told twice. 

The chair really isn't meant for two people, however enthusiastic, but Harry holds him in place with his fingers digging into the backs of Eggsy's thighs as Eggsy gasps hotly into Harry's mouth and kisses him and kisses him. Harry tastes like tea and whiskey, and Eggsy likes to imagine Harry was waiting for him to come back, imagines how sweet it will be to come home to Harry every day instead; dinner and wine at the shining unused oak table, surrounded by Harry's frankly unsettling collection of butterflies and insects; curling up togther on the couch in the living room, Eggsy's feet in Harry's lap and J.B. drowsing between them as they watch  _My Fair Lady_  for the umpteenth time;the warm reassuring length of Harry's body pressed against his front, Eggsy's arms around his waist to keep Harry from getting out of bed early on Saturday mornings. Eggsy can't wait.

Harry pulls away with a small kiss to the corner of Eggsy's mouth and murmurs, "Really, my dear, did you have to drink the  _entire_  bar? Because I understand improvising for the mission, but it is a little much." **  
**

Eggsy laughs. "She's your agony aunt, _Henry_ ," he says and pulls Harry in by the ears for another kiss.

\--

The next year, Mr. and Mr. Hart show up to Golden Gates Resorts and present an entirely thrilled Mrs. Pierce with the finest bottle of bourbon money can buy.


End file.
